Beyonce's Blower

Britain and America, two countries divided by a common language, or summat. For further evidence of the gulf between us look no further than the choices Samsung made for flogging their new phone in the US and UK. Those pesky yanks got Beyonce, boring but the epitome of cold-eyed professionalism. We get the musically much mightier Girls Aloud who, alas, still look a bit Primark by comparison. Our national pride swelled though when the Girls, who don’t have Beyonce’s dad negotiating mega-squillion deals for them, proved they didn’t really give a shit. While Beyonce posed with the phone, Samsung in the UK just slapped its logo on the Sexy! No, No, No promo shot. The US phones include a ditty multi-talented bum-grinder Beyonce composed at the age of 10. She simpers that this ‘gives fans that buy the phone a chance to know the real Beyonce’. Meanwhile the Girls have just slapped Sexy! No, No, No on their mobies. Quite right too. Who the flip knows what Cheryl Cole was singing at the age of 10? Come And Have A Go If You Think You’re Hard Enough probably.

Rula Lenska’s Triumphant Return

Three cheers for flame-haired foreigner Rula Lenska! She – might – finally be reaping the rewards of making a spectacle of herself on Celebrity Big Brother two years ago when she let George Galloway forage around in her lap, doing a cat impersonation. Oh yes! Rula’s time has come! Who could forget her in such unforgettable roles as, er, that Russian woman on two episodes of Minder, her cameo appearance on Space: 1999 (pictured) and her endless round of story-telling on Jackanory? Well her career didn’t peak there, she’s available for interview to go along with the launch of the newly revived Wispa chocolate bars! Whoo hoo! Pourquoi? Why, she was in the original run of adverts from the 1980s. Here she is with ex-husband Dennis Waterman. For once he didn’t sing the theme tune…

It's turkey time. Gobble gobble...

Let’s begin! We’ve just received a press release inviting us along to an event on Friday which will see 80s-throwback swimming champ Sharron Davies cooking a variety of turkey-based recipes for world renowned bird-butcher Bernard Matthews. They claim turkey makes an ideal meal all day round. Sharron will be tempting us to kick off the day with a turkey bagel or, let’s go mad, a turkey and spinach omelette!

Crikey. And she probably thought the accident she had on Gladiators, ending her brief stint on the teatime cheese-fest when she tumbled off a big foam pyramid and did her leg in, was the biggest fall of her career.

Check out the videos. She looks remarkably fresh faced if you ask us.

Sharron sells turkey

Will I Still Get Deals?

An explanation: This blog rejoices in the name Will I Still Get Deals? in honour of Shabnam from Big Brother 8. She was a crazy loon but at least she had the honesty to spit out, on approximately day 9, what everyone else on that freak show was thinking. She just wanted to be famous ‘even for two minutes’. Sure, it’s already a dated, somewhat obscure outburst but the sentiment is timeless! That look of approval-hungry desperation is shared by the A-list and Z-list alike!

So join us as we journey through the arse-end of showbiz!