Nick Nick Blah Blah

Jim Davidson went on This Morning to tell Phil and Fern all about how much he hates Brian Dowling. This is perfectly reasonable behaviour as far as we’re concerned. That Brian. Who does he think he is? Obviously though we’re not condoning homophobic abuse in the workplace and/or kitchen. Abuse of orange Irish reality show winners is A-OK though.

Anyway, Jimbo opened his pie-hole and couldn’t stop it flapping! Here are the highlights.

Jim: “I wanted to rip that blokes head off to tell you the truth. I couldn’t stand him at all or the two girls.”

Fern: “Which bloke?”

Jim: “Brian, he really aggravated me and I thought the best thing for me to do is to leave.”

Phillip: “Are you a homophobic bigot?”

Jim: “There’s a bit of bigotry in all of us. Homophobic literally means a fear of gay people. Well I’m not, I’ve got lots of gay friends and I don’t really want to go around with a banner saying ‘Some of my best friends are gay’, I don’t mean to do that. I was Brianaphobic if you like. I didn’t like that guy and I didn’t like the reality TV show I found myself in. I was fed up with the way the show was produced. We were forced into doing things that we didn’t really want to do.”

Phillip: “But it’s been on before.”

Jim: “Not in Dubai, I’d never seen it before.”

Phillip: “So why would you sign up to something you’d never seen.”

Jim: “Because I got very drunk with Marco and I’d promised that I’d do it because he asked me.”

Fern: “What did you dislike about Brian?”

Jim: “I didn’t particularly dislike Brian, Brian is what he is. But Brian was two people. ‘Brian’ when he decided to get attention and ‘Brian’ when he was just one of the lads.”

Fern: “So it wasn’t his gayness. It was a personality thing?”

Jim: “If I didn’t like gay people I wouldn’t be in show business for heavens sake. I didn’t dislike Brian at all. That’s what made it worse. When he blew up it was a bit, ‘Come on, what’s going on? I took the bait thinking, ‘I’ve just about had enough of this. I’m out of me depth, I’m listening to these people whose claim to fame is fame itself and they’re just gobbing off and I just thought, ‘I can’t have it anymore.’”

Credit to Jim for coining the term ‘Brianphobic’ while Fern steals the show with her ‘so his gayness didn’t annoy you?’ question. What genius! His 'gayness'! Have another cake Fern, you've earned it.