Desperation on Ice

Dancing on Ice is back and it’s just what we don’t need – another opportunity for desperate x-lsiters to eke out their 10 seconds of ‘fame.’ It’s the crappest of the lot – you get paid more for eating bugs in the jungle while learning the foxtrot isn’t as humiliating as falling flat on your arse with only Holly Willoughby to turn to for comfort.

This year’s lot don’t warrant listing but you can be sure they’ll all be bleating in interviews that they didn’t do it for the cash or in attempts to revive their flat-lined careers. No, they’ll all claim to be doing it to ‘learn a new skill.’ Pull the other one Linda Lusardi! We weren’t born yesterday!

Mark our words. No good will come of it. It’s only week one and Samantha Mumba and Suzanne Shaw already have the glinty mad look of a Terminator in their eye. Their mission, to get their faces in crap gossip mags every week until Christmas, must be fulfilled! Oh well, at least Suzanne won’t have to keep getting knocked up by Darren Day for a living. Shame it’s the general public that have to pay the price. Why can’t they just get proper jobs? You don’t see Danny out of Hear’Say putting himself through it do you? No. Take heed Shaw!