The Worst Celebrity Profile Piece Ever?

I know there are plenty of cringe-inducing celebrity profile pieces pumped out by a panoply of organs each and every day but this Vanity Fair interview with Madonna is going to take some beating.

All the pitfalls are there; it’s hugely pretentious and far too personal. The reader neither knows nor cares who hack Rich Cohen is but it’s all about him. Poor old Madge’s quotes are virtually relegated to bullet points at the back. If that weren’t bad enough check out this purple prose:

“Like Pocahontas, who marvelled at the brick buildings and endless streets and was shown off and feted, but still lonely, because the Empire has everything but what is most important – a kind of purity or righteous connection to the land…In other words, Madonna brings this boy [David the Malawian] into her house and gives him everything, but gets something in return: a living totem of life as it was lived before machines.”

How. Wrong.

It doesn’t stop there. I’m sure we all want to know who Rich went out with at school!

“When I was in High School I dated so many girls because they looked like Madonna that I had the feeling I had slipped off my chains and made my way out of Plato’s cave and was seeing the real thing at last.”

Yes, Vanity Fair is a bit high falutin’ but is there any rational explanation for that bunch of arse?!